Sunday, August 2, 2009

Darth Dastardly: Flat White, home

Why do bad guys have to have such elaborate, poetic, dramatic plans for crushing their enemies?
Specifically, if the Empire can really track the Millenium Falcon all the way to the Rebel base, and the Death Star can fly straight there at the speed of light, why is it that, having landed with a planet between them and the thing they want to blow up, they are perfectly happy with a leisurely cruise of EXACTLY THIRTY MINUTES before they get within firing range? Couldn't they just fly a bit closer? Or does the Death Star only operate at two speeds: orbit and lightspeed? And why do they have to be in orbit? They were effing millions of miles away when they blew up Alderaan.
Sheesh. And the smugness of that General guy.
"Abandon ship? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!"
Not just that, but when the thirty minutes are up, it takes him a good ten seconds to look over at the guys with the huge 70s helmets and say, "You may fire when ready." Did he think, at any point in those thirty minutes, that something might go wrong? If only he'd seen the movie before he would have known how vital those 10 seconds were.


  1. I know I'm late to the party but MY GOD YES I've always wondered the same thing about the two speed orbit/lightspeed Death Star thing.

    Also, how the fuck does it move in the first place? It doesn't appear to have propulsion engines of any description.

  2. Good point! I'm not really sure how the lightspeed thing works. Does it need an exhaust pipe even? Everything else in Star Wars has a big glowy thing at the back.
    Well, maybe that's just it. The Death Star has two speeds: light, or nothing.
    It seems like a bit of an oversight. In space, even the Death Star is weightless. If you just pushed (with a tractor beam I guess) it in, say, the direction of a planet, they'd have no way to stop themselves.
    "Captain, we're moving very very slowly towards something."
    "Again?! Oh for crying out loud. Prepare for the jump to light speed."