Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Farnham interviews Wheatley: Espresso, home

"Mr Wheatley, come in."
"Hi Johnny!"
"It's John."
"Oh, sorry John. Er, Mr Farnham."
"John will be fine."
"Right. Er..."
"Yes Mr Wheatley?"
"Well, why is this so serious and official?"
"I'm looking for a new manager, Mr Wheatley. It's serious, official, serious business."
"You've had other people through?"
"Well, yes."
"But we've been through a lot. I mortgaged my freaking house so you could record Whispering Jack."
"Yes, but we've still an interview process to get through. Come through, you should meet the panel first."
"Hi guys."
"Chair number one: Jack Jones. The first of many Farnham clones generated in the late 80s: a precursor to the Saddam impersonators, and other..."
"I know, that was my idea."
"Of course. Let's move on. Chair number two: Venetta Fields. Some say she sounds, both in name and in voice, like a cross between a layered ice-cream chocolate dessert and a song by the Beatles. Those in the know, however, know she is a fierce secret agent who can defeat any backing singer in vocal combat. Aja. Exile on Main St. Wish You Were Here. QE fucking D."
"John, I know we're all in a hurry here: looking down the line I can tell you that I know who all these people are. I worked with them for years."
"Okay, let's move on. So Mr Wheatley, your CV says, among other things, that you just did some time for tax evasion."
"Yes."
"Lots of tax evasion."
"My word yes."
"And you want to manage my affairs again."
"Yes."
"And be responsible for all the numbers-y stuff on the upcoming tour."
"Yes."
"Although you just did time for tax evasion."
"Yes."
...
Sorry, that's about as far as I can speculate. Who the hell knows how Wheatles got past that one*. I'll give him some kudos though: during the very shallow bit of Wikipedia research I just did I found out that he first got into management because he realised how much his band was getting shafted by promoters. Kudos.

* Actually reading the article in today's Herald-Sun may have shed a little light - damn, I wish I'd thought of that earlier

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