Saturday, August 30, 2008

Long Black, home

I now have a barbeque.  It's a Weber Q.  It has personality.  It looks a bit like Wall-E.
I've caught myself a few times looking out the back door just to see how it's doing.  After a few spontaneous lid-down sessions, I'm convinced that owning a barbeque is going to be life-changing.  However, I have to pull up Weber on just one thing.  I get the feeling that a lot of hard barbeque heads would look at this thing and say, "That's not really a Weber, it looks more like a handbag.  Why didn't you get a man barbeque?  That one's a bit gay."  There's no arguing your way out of that with a big letter Q staring at you.  Dear Weber:

PERHAPS THE LETTER Q WAS NOT THE SMARTEST CHOICE.

There is a whole alphabet out there to choose from, Weber!  Why did you go for Q?  Q is unsure of itself; it is a QUESTION MARK.  I want my barbeque to make a STATEMENT, perhaps even EXCLAIM the fact that it is cooking with gas and rolling LID-DOWN! PORTABLE! and WEATHERPROOF! all the while.  Let's take a look at the alternatives.  For starters, Weber S sounds like Weberess, which could be construed as feminine.  Weber G sounds like Snoop Dogg did a track for the Spiderman soundtrack.  Weber E sounds like something customs would seize at the border, Weber B sounds like the second-best choice, Weber Z sounds like a one-hit wonder band from the 80s, Weber C sounds like a sexually-transmitted disease, Weber F is a little too profane, Weber X sounds like a covert federally-funded barbeque experiment, Weber W is clumsily-pronounced, Weber V sounds inexperienced, Weber Y also sounds like a question, Weber A is just a bit crap, Weber K also sounds like it would be seized at the border, Weber O could be confused with Weber 0, Weber P is too urinary, Weber R sounds like a pirate, Weber T sounds like Mr T's full name, Weber U sounds like groovily-advertised tampons, Weber H is ambiguous ("aytch" or "haytch"?), Weber I sounds like something Ali G would say, Weber J is...er...

I'm starting to think the whole alphabet might be redundant.

Let's just stick with "Weber 3000".  It's not going to sound dated for another 993 years.

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